My oldest daughter asks me to sit in and watch her at gymnastics practice some days. So, 1-2 practices a week, I make it a point to stay and watch her at her gym. Her heart for this sport has grown immensely in the last year, and her physical ability, growth, and strength is beyond my comprehension! Last week was interesting, though.There had been a couple of times the week prior that Leah jumped in the car after practice and shared that she’d be leading the team stretches and warm up the following days. The first of which was pushed back because another child asked if she could lead that day and the coach agreed; the second day of which the Head coach decided to facilitate warm-up in an entirely different format; and then there was the third time.
Now, let me pause here for a second. If anyone knows me, they know I’m a pretty straightforward kind of gal. If I need clarity, if I don’t understand processes, or if I want to prove a point, I typically have no qualms asking questions or doing so with whomever I need to discuss it with. And up until this point of Leah being denied her privilege of leading after being told she could, I hadn’t expressed my concern verbally to anyone. So, here we are on the third day in which Leah is to lead the stretch.
I watch the girls as they all line up for their initial coach’s huddle. As soon as the coach is finished speaking to them, the “leader” is to begin running and the rest of the team is to follow. I see Leah begin to run. I see the girls begin to follow. And then I see another little girl (taller, older, & bigger than Leah) take the lead at the very front, passing her up. Immediately, with a quizzical look on my face, I watch Leah’s mouth moving from my vantage point, telling her teammate she was supposed to lead. The girl ignores Leah, continues to run and lead, and I sit as my ten-year-old’s face drops in disappointment.
Now, again, at this moment—it took everything out of me to stay seated in my chair and watch this all happen!! Yall, the Momma bear in me wanted to jump up, have several words with the little girl, and then a few more words with the coach! But I’m saved, sanctified, and filled with the Holy Ghost, so I couldn’t yield to the flesh!! I stayed seated, and I told myself to just watch how Leah handles the situation.
The team continues the warm-up and I make eyes with Leah, motioning for her to come over to which she replies she can’t during warm-up. Fair enough. I continue to watch as this other little girl leads. As I’m watching, my heart is racing, I’m getting more and more frustrated, and I’m wondering how Leah must be feeling in the moment. Meanwhile, I’m literally watching Leah regain her positive demeanor, confidently follow the young lady who led, and not for a second compromise her performance because she didn’t get what she wanted.
Y’all. ADULT BRI wouldn’t have handled that situation nearly as gracefully! If that’d happened just a few years ago, I would’ve pouted, probably had an attitude with the girl, my coach, and everyone else who looked at me wrong that practice all because I hadn’t gotten what was promised to me. But not my Leah. She held her head up high; she did the right thing in spite of being wronged; and she shined while doing it. It was as if she was reteaching me how to get out of my own feelings!
Upon finishing her entire warm-up, she came over to me during her water break. I asked, “So what happened?” And she responded, “So-in-so just jumped in front of me and when I tried to tell her it was my day to lead per coach, she didn’t listen, and she kept running.” I told Leah, “Because I want you to learn to stand up for yourself, I want you to make sure you approach your coach about this before the end of practice.” She agreed & rehearsed what she planned to say, and I left it in her hands.
When practice ended, she reported back to me that her conversation with coach went as planned and she would lead the following day. In my head I said, “You better believe it, or Momma Bear will be all but quiet!” Anyway, the next practice, she led and she led beautifully and her coach had the kindest words to share with me thereafter about Leah.
Now, had I acted on my frustrations in the days before, I would’ve deprived Leah the opportunity to learn to stand up for herself and to act out on leadership. Not to mention, I probably would’ve made it difficult for the coach to want to approach me and share authentic compliments about Leah with me.
I think sometimes as parents we want so badly for our kids to win and get what they are promised that we prematurely fight their battles for them. In doing so, we rob them of the strength that will grow from them being encouraged to do so themselves. There’s a time and a place for everything. So, please know there ARE times in which we HAVE to advocate on behalf of our children before they can or even know how to appropriately do so themselves. But understand, as they mature and have different opportunities to act as the leaders we desire them to be, it’s our responsibility to equip and empower them to do so in the best way possible. Pure conversations with your kids, consistent encouragement, and showing them as the model is what will help them in those situations. It builds their confidence and courage in facing conflict in a solution-oriented way.
The very next day, I received an email from Leah’s school teacher saying she would be receiving the Eagle Award that Friday at assembly. If you know anything about these awards then you know teachers aren’t supposed to give them to kids two years in a row. Leah received one her first year at LPE (2nd grade), her fourth grade year, and now in fifth. When I asked what character trait she was being recognized for, her teacher said “fairness” is the trait of the month, but Leah excels in them all! Now if that’s not God’s favor on this child’s life, I don’t know what is! Even after a disappointing week in gymnastics, she was still able to exemplify fairness and character all around. Wow—this girl is amazing!
I think that’s how God wants us to live. We have an advocate in Jesus interceding on our behalf. And the Word says God will avenge our enemies; but He also desires us to grow in character and likeness of Him as we lean into the direction of the Holy Spirit. He wants us to utilize the fruit of the spirit he’s placed within us (Galatians 5:22-23). He wants us to learn to use the very tools he’s given us to “stand [up] against the wiles of the devil” (Ephesians 6:10-18). When we do that, He looks at us with pride and joy in his eyes knowing we are walking in his divine favor for our lives.
Mommas, give your children breathing room to make mistakes, learn from them and grow. Moreover, give them space to walk out in leadership as many times as possible! You’ll be blessed by the results!
My Very Best,
Brianne