Have you ever read “The Chrysanthemums” by John Steinbeck? It tells the story of a love-starved housewife who pours all her stifled passions into a prized garden of chrysanthemums. Then one day a traveling salesman comes through the town and the poor woman believes that he might actually understand her. She offers herself to the salesman, and in a not-so-subtle metaphor gives him her cherished chrysanthemums. As the salesman inevitably leaves town, he tosses her flowers out the window.
When I was about 21, I was a lot like that tragic housewife. My teenage experiences with the opposite sex had all been rather disheartening, and like a lot of girls I felt anxious to make up for them. So, I found a funny, awkward boy in one of my English classes. He wasn’t terribly attractive, but he laughed at my jokes and complimented my writing. I decided he would do.
But after a few months of flirting and hanging out aimlessly, he chose someone else. He didn’t tell me officially. Instead, one day I walked out of class and saw him kissing another girl.
Flash forward to “The Chrysanthemums.” It was assigned reading in my American Literature class that I happened to share with that boy. When it came time to discuss those miserable chrysanthemums, the professor posed the question, “Why is the woman so devastated by the throwing out of the flowers?” English majors can be shy. No one answered. Wouldn’t you know my professor looked straight at me and asked, “Camille, what do you think?”
So, with a voice that didn’t quiver, I declared, “Because she offered her whole self to him, and he didn’t want her.”
I think we’ve all had our Chrysanthemums thrown out the window before.
In fact, the more I see of the world, the more I realize that our society is increasingly prone to do just that—to throw out what is lovely and valuable in women, in favor of what is fleeting.
You see, like so many twenty-something Christian girls, I’ve had plenty of time to cultivate my garden. I’ve had plenty of time to pine for someone to admire it—to wonder whether the reason I’m still alone is because I’m just an “honorable-mention” ribbon winner.
It’s a weed of a doubt that has wriggled into my thoughts often over the years.
In the aftermath of that college rejection, I convinced myself that I was ugly and fat.
I can tell you now, with a bit of distance, that I am neither of those things.
But as I struggled to understand the difference between my appearance and my worth, I finally turned to the one who knows it best. My Maker.
After years of trying my best to feel beautiful, I finally wondered what the Bible said about beauty. Proverbs 31 boasts the Bible’s most concise list of qualities that a godly woman ought to have. I knew about Proverbs 31. All Christian women know about Proverbs 31.
But I had not studied Proverbs 31. I had not quieted myself enough to really look at it.
What I finally found in Proverbs 31 was a portrait of a woman who is strong, kind, wise, and industrious, among other things. She is a woman praised for her character—not her beauty. In fact, an adage at the end warns “beauty is vain.” You have no idea how much that comforted me—how much it challenged me.
My worth has nothing to do with my appearance. Neither does yours.
Isn’t that liberating?
But what are all the lovely, godly, Proverbs 31 women to do in the face of a world that doesn’t recognize this truth? A world that tosses our Chrysanthemums callously out of car windows?
We need to look once more at Proverbs 31, at its easily overlooked context.
Do you know why the woman is described in the first place? She is offered as motherly advice to a son on what to look for in a wife. However, the son is sketched out for us as well (all throughout the book of Proverbs). In him, we see a man who is kind, respected, generous, and temperate. We see a king.
You see, I was deeply mistaken in believing that all the silly boys I came across would be able to see my value. When only a king—a good king—is deserving and wanting of the kind of woman described in Proverbs 31.
And even if I never meet such a man, I must continually remind myself that actually I have.
Isaiah 54:5 reassures us in this way:
“For thy Maker is thine husband; the Lord of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called.”
I know there are a lot of other girls like me who have had their opinions of themselves shaken. We must resist doubt. We must cease shaping our worth with vanity. There is one King at least, who values us as we are.
Camille is an English teacher who makes her job more tolerable by envisioning herself as a 19th Century governess. She spends her spare moments exploring the world through art and literature. All of her endeavors are rooted in Colossians 3:17 : “Whatever you do, in word or in deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father, through Him.” You can peek into Camille’s little world and shop her line of art jewelry by visiting www.camilledear.etsy.com or following her on Instagram @camilledearart