It was week 8 of being home with our newborn and I felt a kind of “autopilot” gear kick in. I was fully functioning in the day-to-day tasks, but if I’m honest—I was in a daze. Wake up, feed baby, change diaper, pump, wash bottles, eat, go here, go there, wash this, wash that, repeat. I knew what had to be done and I was getting most of it done, only to repeat the cycle again and again and again. All the while I could feel a robotic-like distance coming between my husband and me. When I finally realized what was happening, I said to him, “Honey, transparency moment…?” He knew exactly what that meant.

In our marriage, we have what we call transparency moments. It’s in these moments that either my husband or I shares a truth (usually intimate, could be embarrassing, or even carefree) with the other spouse. Many times, this is an opportunity for one spouse to open up about an issue, situation, or subject that needs to be brought up in our marriage. Sometimes it’s a subject that’s bothering us individually that we’ve noticed affects us as a couple. Sometimes it’s work-related. Sometimes it has to do with our family dynamics. And sometimes there are  positive shareable moments we discuss as well. Whichever the case, we both know these moments are judgement-free, soliciting only an open ear and open heart from the other.

I ended up sharing with him that I love caring for our family, taking care of our home, and pouring into our girls. But I went on to share with him that I need two things in this season: quality me time and quality us time. And I wholeheartedly need his help to make these requests a reality in the midst of all we have going on. In my transparency moment, I wanted him to know that as much as I want to be SuperWife and SuperMom—I’m not. And I need help with taking care of me AND taking time for him and I. Since I’ve been transparent about this, He understands where I’m coming from and makes an effort to make this my reality.

What I’ve learned most about transparency moments is that even when I think I’m being as honest as I can be, there are still layers of vulnerability within me that can lead to even more understanding. And in the willingness to lean into that vulnerability, transparency has a chance to give a voice to my heart. In these first few months postpartum, not only have I realized how important transparency moments are with my husband—I’ve noticed how meaningful they are with others who are a part of my village.

When friends or family ask me how I am doing, I share the truths about my journey. Be it that I’m in love with my newborn or I’m extremely exhausted; I find a freedom in being real about what I’m going through. It’s two-fold, you see: on the one hand, I’m speaking my truth, not hiding from it. On the other hand, I now have a chance to confront my truth whether that be seeking advice, help, or simply being okay with the imperfections that are interwoven into my life.

Listen, there’s nothing like suffering in silence; so know that you don’t have to fall prey to the lie that no one else will understand what you’re going through. In fact, that couldn’t be further from the truth! Open up to those in your close circle about your struggles, your tests, and your fears. While it’s not healthy to live in a constant state of negative feelings, it’s okay to speak up about them and seek healthy solutions for how to turn them into your victories, your successes, and your testimonies.

Prayer: Lord, grace me to be transparent in the season that I’m in. Let transparency not be something that scares me, but rather let it be liberating to live a life of authenticity with the people who are around me. Send me the right village that I know will lend a heart, a hand, and an ear to me in my time of vulnerability. And protect me in these moments, providing me the best balance of guidance and relief in my time of need.

Until next week–take time to be transparent when it counts. Next week’s find: be intentional.